


Trust

by P_Dunton



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, One Shot, Post-Episode: s04e03 The Final Problem, Post-The Final Problem, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_Dunton/pseuds/P_Dunton
Summary: In Russia trust is called “doverie”, that means “something that comes before faith”. It means that you trust a man before you know him. For Russians trust is not something that can be earned. Trust is something you choose to do.





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> No beta-read for this fic, so all mistakes are mine. I really hope you'll enjoy.

**Trust.**

 

The day was gloomy. The noise of the cold rain outside was muffled through the glass windows, and Molly was happy to be inside her flat. A cup of strong tea was warming her palms, the feeling soothing and pleasant. She felt relaxed and calm. It was great to finally make a decision she had been putting off for years. The week had passed since that strange and heartbreaking phone call from Sherlock and after all this years of unrequited love she was finally free of him.

She had had a neighbor when she was a child, an old Russian woman called Maria. Being single, Molly’s father had been working hard and had often asked Maria to look after Molly while he’d been away. Maria was kind and wise and Molly loved her with all her heart. Molly liked to talk to her and their conversations with the old woman had been the best memories of Molly’s childhood. Maria used to pour Molly a warm cup of tea - not even for the girl to drink, but to warm her hands that had always got cold too easily – and then they talked.

 _“People here in England have a wrong understanding of trust.”_ Maria told her once with an accent Molly had got so used to. _“In Russia trust is called “doverie”, that means “something that comes before faith”. It means that you trust a man before you know him, girl. For Russians trust is not something that can be earned. Trust is something you choose to do.”_

_“It is useful when you are with a man, girl. They often do bad things without even knowing they are doing them. That is why, Molly, when your man makes you feel bad, you need to choose whether to trust him or not again. You will do it every single time he hurts you. If you can’t trust him anymore, tell him that you are grateful for the experience you’ve had with him and leave the man behind. But if you choose to trust him, forgive him and go on. That’s the only way the relationships can work. If you stay with someone you can’t trust, you’ll be trying to change him, and it never ends well. Don’t try to change the man you love, after all you’ve fallen in love with him as he was. But never let a man break you, girl. If you decide to go, go forever.”_

Maria’s logic had been hard for Molly to understand at first, but she had understood it totally when she met Sherlock.

She had tried to change him at first. She’d tried to make him love her, to be more tactful, to accept other people’s opinions, but it had all been in vain. But it was when Sherlock had come back from the dead that Molly remembered Maria’s words. It had become easier for her since then. Molly had chosen to trust Sherlock no matter what, and her life changed.

Maria had been right when she told Molly that a man she trusted would make her feel many things, both great and awful. Sherlock had hurt her so many times over the years, but he had also brought her so much joy and happiness that she couldn’t regret her decision to stay by his side. So, every time she forgave him and went on. Her life with him had been interesting and full. After all, she had seen so much, she had got to know so much, she had participated in the activities not everyone would believe in. She had come to terms with the fact that he would never love her, but their friendship was precious. But it was time to stop and leave now. Because she couldn’t let him break her.

One day after the phone call someone had knocked on her door. She’d tried to call Sherlock the previous day but there was no reply that is why she was so surprised to see Mycroft Holmes standing on her threshold.

“Miss Hooper” he’d greeted and she’d let him in.

He had told her about Sherrinford and about everything he, Sherlock and John had had to go through on the day of the call. She’d been shocked, she’d cried, but she’d understood. She couldn’t blame Sherlock for what he’d done, she had no right.

“How is he, Mycroft?” she asked.

“He is… coping… I think he needs some time now. And, knowing my brother, he might forget to come and explain you everything. I honestly hope he won’t, but in case he does, I decided to come by and do it myself. I hope that’s alright, Miss Hooper?”

“It’s Molly, Mycroft” she smiled at him, trying to look more cheerful than she felt. “And yes, that’s completely all right. I think I should thank you, actually. It was very thoughtful of you to come here and talk to me.”

“There’s no need to thank me, Molly,” she saw a light smile touching his lips. “It is I, who must be grateful. For everything you’ve done for Sherlock over the years. I guess my brother tends to forget to thank you enough.”

They had stopped by the door before Molly opened it for him.

“Mycroft,” she called and he turned to face her. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, please.”

He was surprised at first, but after a few moments he smiled, looking at her with sadness in his eyes.

“I’ll do my best, Molly. And if you need something, please remember that I am just a call away.”

 

The week had passed since that conversation and there was no trace of Sherlock in her life. John had called and was relieved to know that Mycroft had done the explanation work for him. Molly was good with him, she had even stayed with Rosie for a couple of evenings when he needed her help. She didn’t ask John about Sherlock and he didn’t try to talk to her about him. It felt like this topic had been forbidden for them now and it hurt badly. She was ok with everything that had happened in Sherrinford, but she had hoped that Sherlock would have some respect towards her, that he would come and talk to her. His absence made her feel meaningless. It felt like she was worthless, like she hadn’t been there for him during all those years, and it was tearing her apart. She felt broken.

 _“Never let a man break you, girl”_ she remembered Maria’s words and it was the turning point.

She couldn’t choose to trust him any longer, she couldn’t let him bring her more pain, she had to go away forever.

She took a deep breath and took her mobile phone out from her pocket.

“Mycroft, hello” she said when he had picked up.

***

Her shift had ended later than she’d expected and she desperately wanted to come home and relax on her sofa. She decided not to turn on the lights craving the cozy darkness of her flat. Her sofa was heaven and she’d released a blissful sigh when she dropped on it.

“Mycroft said, you were leaving.”

His voice took her by surprise. She squeaked and rolled on the floor.

“Sherlock!” she exclaimed, getting up on her feet and turning the lights on. “What are you doing here?!”

“You are leaving” he repeated, his tone stern.

She sighed, gathering her composure.

“Yes… Yes, I am. Not now, but I am arranging my move to Edinburgh. Mycroft is helping me.”

Sherlock frowned at the mention of his brother.

“What is wrong with London?”

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to have this conversation with him.

“It’s just… time for me to move on. Start a new life.”

“What is wrong with your current life?”

She couldn’t help smirking, but didn’t answer his question directly.

“Sherlock, what’s this all about? Why are you interested all of a sudden? You haven’t even been around lately, haven’t even bothered to come to me after Sherrinford…” she had to stop when she saw him wincing. “I’m sorry Sherlock. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But why do you care?”

“I don’t want you to leave” the words almost knocked her down.

“Wha… What?..” she whispered.

“I know I’ve hurt you. I know I should have come earlier, should have explained you everything. I know you must be feeling broken. But you don’t need to leave because of me, Molly.”

Still surprised, she smiled at his last words.

“Sherlock, listen… I am not leaving because of you. I am leaving because of me. I’ve decided to change the scenery, I need this change. I’ve been by you side for far too long. You may be thinking now that I’ve stayed because I hoped that you would love me one day. Well, that’s not true. I always knew that you wouldn’t love me, but I still chose to stay because life with you as my friend had made me happy much more often that it had made me sad. But this time it was just too much. I don’t want to stay here any longer. I still love you and I think that I will always love you. But you don’t owe me anything for my love. If I stay now, I will be broken. And I can’t let you break me. I am whole. And I want to stay like that. So, I am grateful to you for the experience, but it’s my time to go.”

She felt so much better after she’d told him that. It had felt like a mountain had fallen from her shoulders. Everything she’d told him was true. She still loved him, but she felt different. She felt whole and unbroken, she felt free.

Sherlock was looking at her in surprise and suddenly she’d realized he wasn’t feeling well. He was pale and looked very tired, it seemed he’d aged a couple of years since the last time she saw him, his had been grayer and there were dark circles under his eyes.

“Sherlock… How are you feeling?” she asked him quietly.

“Molly” he whispered. “Molly… How?.. Why? I’ve done so many things that could break you… How is it possible that you are still holding on, and I am so broken?..”

She stilled pondering his question. And the good question it was. What was it that had brought her so much happiness over the years with him despite everything he’d done to her? She smiled, realizing that the answer had always been pretty simple.

  
“I’ve learned to love and never ask anything in return, Sherlock. That’s what keeps me whole. That’s what makes me strong. Because love is not a defect, but an advantage. It keeps me alive, no matter if it is mutual or not. You are weaker because you deny it. And as long as I keep my love burning inside me, I will be stronger than anyone. I will be even stronger than you…”

She saw his face turning pale from the realization of what was said.

  
“Teach me, Molly. Teach me or it will burn me…” his voice was hoarse now.

“I... I can’t, Sherlock. I can’t teach you that. At first you feel love and then you just let it be. And after a while, if you accept it, it starts to nourish you, it starts to give you strength. The only thing you can do is choose not no fight it. That’s the theory, but I can’t teach you how to feel love. It just happens.”

“But I can feel it” he said suddenly. “I can feel it and it drives me mad!”

He was pacing the room now.

“I hadn’t could me here after Sherrinford because I didn’t know how to face you. If things were how they’d been before, when I couldn’t feel... When I didn’t know love... it would be so much easier! I would explain everything to you, I would ask you to forgive me, but after Eurus... After I... After Sherrinford I couldn’t face you. Because all words, all my apologies would not be enough! I don’t know how you’ve managed to love me not getting anything in return. I know that I love you now and I also know that you couldn’t have stopped loving me back so quickly, but even the slightest possibility of being rejected by you seemed like a torture. And, to tell you the truth, Molly, I wouldn’t come if Mycroft hadn’t told me you were leaving. This pain I felt when I knew that you were going away was far worse than the fear of rejection. So, what I am trying to say, is that I am a coward, Molly. I was so afraid of being rejected that I hadn’t come to you, hadn’t begged you for forgiveness, I hadn’t even explained everything to you, for God’s sake! And I can see now that you are going away. But, Molly, please, if there is a chance that I can make you stay here... with me... I’d like to take it...”

She watched him in astonishment, and there were so many feelings raging inside her that she couldn’t find her words.

“Sherlock... Are you saying that...” she whispered.

“I love you. I am saying that I love you. And though I meant it in Sherrinford, it doesn’t matter... What really matters is that I love you now. And, knowing myself, I will probably never going to stop... You said that I have to learn to love and not ask anything in return. That’s why I won’t stop you if you still decide to leave London. I will probably come to you every weekend just to be around, but if you want to go away, I won’t stop you. But if you decide to stay... I will do everything to make you happy with your decision... If I deserve your trust, of course.”

She was standing in front of him, surprised, astonished and overwhelmed. His head was down, and he looked so vulnerable that her heart had skipped a bit.

 

_“If you love someone someday,”_ she remembered Maria saying, _“You need to choose to trust him. That doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you, girl, but if you choose to trust him, you choose to let him make you feel different things, both great and awful. And every time he makes you feel good you need to love him even more.”_

And at that very moment she had chosen to trust him again.

“Sherlock,” she said quietly, cupping his cheek. “My trust is not for you to gain. It is a matter of my choice. And I choose to trust you, love... Always.”

And there were many moments in their life together when they both were absolutely, undeniably happy, but for Sherlock it was the first and the most important one.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr. I am polinaduntonwrites there: https://polinaduntonwrites.tumblr.com


End file.
